What is Perfectionism and Why Does It Hold You Back? | 001

In this episode, Lenee' Pezzano delves into the concept of perfectionism, exploring its root causes and its profound impact on our lives. With personal anecdotes and insightful references, Lenee' discusses the mental and emotional struggles tied to perfectionism and offers a fresh perspective on how to overcome it through faith and self-acceptance. Listeners will find encouragement and practical advice to break free from the cycle of perfectionism and embrace God's grace.

Introduction
Picture this. It was like my brain pulled the fire alarm, sending every fear and doubt into panic mode all at once. I didn't want to just know the what, I wanted, no, I needed to know the how....

The Call to Write
Iron was sharpening iron, and then out of nowhere, she says to me, have you ever thought about writing a book?...

The Struggle with Perfectionism
I was literally driven by my emotions. My stress levels were constantly heightened....

Defining Perfectionism
So, let's talk about perfectionism and what it is. The American Psychological Association would tell you that it's the tendency to demand of others or of oneself....

A Perfect Perfectionism Definition
Here is his [Tad Frizzell] definition of perfectionism: it's the refusal to love and accept oneself in a state of imperfection....

Be sure to check out his book 📙https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Perfectionist-Surprising-Spiritual-Perfectionism/dp/0692961194

Embracing Imperfection
My friend, I believe you have just been given amazing ammunition to start your journey towards breaking up with perfectionism. And I am so excited to walk with you through it....

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Transcript

 I help Christian women break up with perfectionism and discover the life-changing power of God’s grace.

Let’s face it: you’re exhausted from constantly striving to meet impossible standards, believing it’s the only way to earn God’s love and acceptance. You hear scriptures like “Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matt. 5:48) and wonder if you’ll ever measure up.

But what if God’s heart for you is different than you think?

What is Perfectionism and Why Does It Hold You Back? | 001

Lenee' Pezzano: Have you ever said yes when you really meant no? You know God has called you to it. But you go in kicking and screaming. I remember sitting at a restaurant having coffee with my new friend Jeannie. It was March 13, 2019 to be exact. And I'm hearing her testify to having died and come back from the dead five times.

Lenee' Pezzano: I was enthralled by her testimony. And for hours, we talked about all the ways the Lord had shown up for us. And spiritual sparks were flying. Iron was sharpening iron, and then out of nowhere, she says to me, have you ever thought about writing a book? Now, what would you feel if I were to ask you that question?

Lenee' Pezzano: If you're anything like me, you can already feel an immediate knee jerk reaction, you know, where you build a brick wall so high and fast that the military wants to recruit you stat for its defense strategy. Yeah, that was me. Listen, I had been asked plenty of times. about writing a book? And my answer was no different this time.

[00:01:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: No way, not gonna happen. After all, what story would I tell? And who in the world would even be interested in it? And where do I even begin? Can you relate? Can you relate to when the Lord is calling you to say yes, but you really mean no? As I drove home that day, Jeannie's question stuck in my crawl. Now I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I had been longing for the Lord to guide my next move in life. 

[00:02:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: My insides ached for purpose and my daydreams always involved me on some platform, inspiring you to a deeper walk with Jesus, to stretch beyond the comfortable and step into God's plan for your life. And yet that day, nothing in me wanted to know if Jeannie's question was actually from the Lord.
 
 

Lenee' Pezzano: But what if it was? Man, I could not shake the thought of it. So, the moment I got home, I ran right into my bedroom, got prostrate on my bed, and the Lord didn't even allow me to finish asking my question. before he said to me, it's your season. You will make mistakes. And over the course of the next several weeks, he brought one undeniable confirmation after another that he was indeed calling me to write.

[00:03:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: So what do you think happened next? If you had to guess? 

Lenee' Pezzano: Picture this. It was like my brain pulled the fire alarm, sending every fear and doubt into panic mode all at once. I didn't want to just know the what. I wanted No, I needed to know the how. If you would have had a proverbial seat at the table of my brain over the course of the next few months, you wouldn't have just seen me wrestle with fear.

Lenee' Pezzano: You would have smelled the fear as I wrestled.

Lenee' Pezzano: I was literally driven by my emotions.

Lenee' Pezzano: My stress levels were constantly heightened. I could barely find room in my mind to be present because I was filled with all of the what ifs and the why me's and the what about God and the but God, the mental gymnastics going on inside of me were full steam ahead as I faced the crossroad between the Fear and faith, shrinking back, or obeying the call, all because I didn't have the how.

[00:04:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: Now, before I share how to not worry about the how, we need to first define perfectionism and its impact, which is what we're going to cover in today's episode. when you stop worrying about the how, you start getting to enjoy the who. And the who is your ultimate guide to the how. The mission of the Redeemed Perfectionist is to help you break free from that exhausting cycle of perfectionism and truly embrace the power of God's grace.

[00:05:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: Hi there, I'm Lenee’ Pezzano, and I am smiling and even chuckling just a little as I record this episode.

Lenee' Pezzano: As a published author, and a Christian who has actually walked with Jesus for almost 30 years and who you would think should get it, I still struggle with perfectionism. I still worry about the how.

Lenee' Pezzano: I still lose sight of the who. And yet, he loves me more. Anyways, I am the happiest and the freest I have ever been. that is why I'm here to remind you that he loves you too. My hope is that by sharing my journey and my nuggets from along the way, you will walk away from each episode with a few things.

[00:06:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: One, a fresh perspective on how God sees you and your walk. Two, fresh hope for your future. And three, at least one thing you can do to break up with perfectionism. I want to stand in the how gap for you until you can get there yourself. My friend, you are not alone and there is a pathway to freedom. Amen.

Lenee' Pezzano: We also gather to work through the how inside our Facebook community group The Redeemed Perfectionist. See the link in the show notes and come on over and join us. We would love to have you. Now, let's get on with the rest of this episode. 

[00:07:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: All right, so let's talk about perfectionism and what it is. The American Psychological Association would tell you that it's the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance. in excess of what is required by the situation. It tends to define perfectionism as a personality trait.

Lenee' Pezzano: I, however, absolutely love a definition that I read in the book Letters to a Perfectionist, written by a man named Tad Frizzell. That's T A D F R I Z Z E L L, in case you want to buy the book. And he came up with his own definition, which we'll get into in a moment. He talks about how the phenomenon of perfectionism, it's holistic.

[00:08:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: It's holistic in nature, given the numerous interconnected symptoms presented by the one who's suffering. So, for example, typically a perfectionist doesn't just struggle with one thing. They have many symptoms. They may have depression, anxiety, fear, eating disorders, OCD, severe procrastination, things of that nature.

Lenee' Pezzano: The list goes on. he talks about how, in essence, perfectionism is basically a tree. with various fruits. Actually, the American Psychological Association really even began to define perfectionism as the root. And the fruit changes over time as you and I engage with perfectionism as a way to maintain a sense of security.

Lenee' Pezzano: Looking back on my life. I can see these various symptoms coming and going as I matured and learned to navigate life and really try to preserve that sense of security. 

[00:09:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: I agree with Tad. Perfectionism is a spiritual problem. 

Lenee' Pezzano: That can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. He was using it in a very basic way. meaning that it burdens every aspect of our being, body, mind, and soul. I love what he says here. It's much more than a way of thinking. It's a way of being, a way of relating to the world around us.

Lenee' Pezzano: Treating the individual symptoms isn't going to do the job to help us really break up with perfectionism. here is his definition of perfectionism. it's the refusal to love and accept oneself in a state of imperfection. Wow. Wow.

[00:10:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: I absolutely lost it when I read this. As a matter of fact, even when I re-read it to put it in this episode, it immediately drummed up tears for me. This is the root. We perfectionists secretly believe that perfection is possible. And it's just waiting for our best effort. Deeper still, he says, we are willing to deprive ourselves of our own love and acceptance until this elusive goal.

Lenee' Pezzano: Mark 12:31 says love your neighbor as yourself, as yourself. Have you ever paused to think about how you love yourself? Better yet, have you paused to ask yourself if you love yourself? 

[00:11:00] 
 
 If we go back to my story in the beginning of this episode, the symptoms of fear and panic, the mental gymnastics, the doubt and unbelief, all were simply fruit of a deep belief that God, or any other person, could not possibly love me the way that I am.

Lenee' Pezzano: Bingo bullseye. You just sunk my battleship. Whatever phrase you wish to use. For me, that definition made everything so clear. It was like it accelerated time and cut right to the chase. You know, when someone says something to you that touches a deep pain point and you immediately begin to cry. While at the same time you're receiving encouragement, that is exactly how I felt when the Lord used this version of the definition. 

[00:12:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: The refusal to love oneself in a state of imperfection.

Lenee' Pezzano: How do you feel right now as you hear that definition? What does it evoke in you? My friend, I believe you have just been given amazing ammunition to start your journey towards breaking up with perfectionism. And I am so excited to walk with you through it. 

Lenee' Pezzano: I cannot wait for the episode where we will discuss how not to worry about the how, so you can begin to enjoy the Who. 

Lenee' Pezzano: Remember to come hang out in the Redeem Perfectionist Facebook community where we share encouragement and resources that will help and where you will learn about special announcements relating to our community.

[00:13:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: Head on over to my website, leneepezzano.com, that's L E N E E P E Z Z A N O dot com, and let's get you joined in.

Lenee' Pezzano: As we know, there is power in sharing episodes with others because of how it can help grow the podcast. However, I am far more desirous that you and I build a community of overcomers who, as scripture says in Revelation 12:11, overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. So, if this episode speaks to your heart, would you take a moment to share it with a friend who might need this message too?

Lenee' Pezzano: And if you haven't already, hit the subscribe button so you don't miss next week's episode. 

[00:14:00]

Lastly, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on this question. Do I truly love and accept myself as I am in my imperfection? Write down your thoughts, bring them to God in prayer, and let Him meet you there.

Lenee' Pezzano: I'll be cheering you on every step of the way. And as we wrap up today, I want you to know that I am so proud of you for showing up and taking this journey with me.

Lenee' Pezzano: God's love for you is not dependent upon your performance or your achievements or ability to get it all right. You are fully seen and loved by your heavenly father. Lean into that truth and let's get you started on your newfound journey to freedom. See you next time, sister. 

[00:15:00]

Oh, and P. S. See that little telephone that says, Ask Lenee’ anything?  Go ahead and call me. It's easy to do. Just click that little phone, and your message will make it to my earbuds.

Lenee' Pezzano: See you next time.