Stuck in the How? Learn How to Trust in the Who, First | 003

In this episode of the Redeemed Perfectionist podcast, hosted by Lenee' Pezzano, the focus is on overcoming imposter syndrome and perfectionism by shifting trust from the 'how' to the 'who'. Lene shares personal anecdotes, practical hacks, and biblical truths to help listeners conquer their fears, trust in God's plan, and embrace peace and freedom.

Introduction: Facing Big Challenges
Personal Story: Becoming a Campus President
Understanding Imposter Syndrome
Hack 1: Name the Fruit, Find the Root
Hack 2: Shift from the How to the Who
Hack 3: Renew Your Mind, Renew Your Peace
Practical Steps and Conclusion

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Transcript

I help Christian women break up with perfectionism and discover the life-changing power of God’s grace.

Let’s face it: you’re exhausted from constantly striving to meet impossible standards, believing it’s the only way to earn God’s love and acceptance. You hear scriptures like “Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matt. 5:48) and wonder if you’ll ever measure up.

But what if God’s heart for you is different than you think?

Stuck in the How? Learn How to Trust in the Who, First | 003

Lenee' Pezzano: Have you ever been called to something that felt so big? Something that you, you just knew you didn't have the skills for? Something that would surely result in failure, at least as far as you were concerned. I remember the moment when it all became clear. When the Lord said, this is the way, walk in it.

Lenee' Pezzano: Campus President. Say what? You want me to do what? It felt like I was being shoved onto a stage in front of a packed audience, without a script, no lines, and no costume. The spotlight was blinding and I was frozen with fear. Campus president? I don't even have a master's degree, let alone a Ph. D. I just finished a first time supervisor role.

[00:01:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: I have no idea how to be a president. As if to suggest that God missed it when he had me skip the traditional path to a promotion where you graduate one level at a time. I kept thinking, what if I mess up? What if they see I'm not qualified? I clutched my comfort zone, whispering frantic prayers, and trying not to entertain thoughts of inevitable failure, embarrassment, and rejection.

Lenee' Pezzano: Lord, I do not know how to do this. How many times have you been paralyzed or held back from taking the next step because you don't know how to do the thing that is set before you? The knot forms in your stomach and the storm of thoughts begin to toss you around. What if I disappoint God or others?

[00:02:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: Surely the world is going to realize I don't really have the credentials needed for the task. Why would God even call me? And as if that isn't enough, the waves grow higher, whipping you even harder. What about money, and when in the world will I be able to fit this into my schedule? Where do I even begin?

Lenee' Pezzano: It's like fear and perfectionism met and had a baby, and they named it Can you guess? Imposter syndrome. The Britannica definition states that imposter syndrome is a persistent unjustified feeling that one's success is fraudulent despite a record of achievement or respect by one's peers. It was one of the things that always baffled me about my journey.

[00:03:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: So many colleagues and friends, family members, saw me as high achieving and so successful, yet I never felt good enough. And each time I was called to a new path, the same vicious cycle reared its ugly head. It's so easy to get caught up in how everything will come together, isn't it? But what if we're focusing on the wrong question?

Lenee' Pezzano: Instead of worrying about the how, we're invited to trust the who, God. Today, we'll learn the traps the enemy lays to keep you stuck in worrying about the how. And we'll explore some practical steps to shift your perspective. and start leaning into his faithfulness. Here's the best part. By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with a brand new approach to conquering imposter syndrome and breaking free from the weight of perfectionism for good.

[00:04:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: It's kind of ironic. You're going to learn a simple how hack so that you can finally stop obsessing about the how. Imagine stepping forward, not because you have all the answers. But because you know the one who does. The Redeemed Perfectionist is God's safe haven created to help you learn life hacks to trade striving for surrender and step into the joy of his plan for you.

Lenee' Pezzano: Hey there, I'm Lenee’ Pezzano, fellow Olympic level mental gymnast and host of the Redeemed Perfectionist podcast. For years, I wrestled with the weight of striving. the shame of my imperfections, and the fear that I wasn't good enough for the call God placed on 

Lenee' Pezzano: [00:05:00] my life. Every time I felt his nudge to step into something new, I found myself trapped in overthinking, battling imposter syndrome, and paralyzed by the belief that I needed to have it all figured out before I could move forward.

Lenee' Pezzano: Little did I know that those very experiences were tools God would use to unlock the door to freedom. Make no mistake, I'm not talking about freedom just for me. Sister, he had you in mind the entire time. You are the reason this podcast exists. You might find it helpful to get a pen and paper for this episode.

Lenee' Pezzano: Just in case inspiration strikes, it will be chock full of treasures that will multiply as you invest in using them. Just like in the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25:14 through 30. 

[00:06:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: And if you would like an even bigger return on your investment, head over after this episode to my website at leneepezzano.com where you will find a treasure trove of resources for your journey. That's L E N E E P E Z Z. 

Lenee' Pezzano: Let's imagine for just a moment that you and I are hanging out on your couch in our comfy clothes with a hot cup of cocoa reminiscing about some of the most stressful times in our lives that we eventually overcame.

Lenee' Pezzano: What examples would come to mind? Would it be that time when you were going on that road trip to a foreign country and you had no idea which transportation to take or where to stop for food or a restroom?

Lenee' Pezzano: But your friend reminded you that she grew up there and knew the area like the back of her [00:07:00] hand. You finally relaxed and remembered that you were with the one who knew the route. And the best method to get between destinations. Or maybe it was when you were about to become a first time parent and your stress level quickly grew faster than the baby inside you.

Lenee' Pezzano: You didn't know all the hows, like how to calm a crying baby at 2 a. m. or how to keep your child safe, but your mom and a few trusted friends were just a phone call away and you breathed easier because you trusted the who, who had walked that road before you. Isn't there just something so comforting about having a trusted someone who knows the how when you don't?

[00:08:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: What if in each of the scenarios just mentioned, the trusted source of help was removed? Where would that leave you? Let's go back to my opening story. When the Lord called me to be a campus president. Remember the fight, flight, or freeze response you learned in 7th grade health class? It's when the body perceives a threat and activates the sympathetic nervous system, which overrides the body's calming abilities. Your heart rate increases, your breathing gets faster, your blood pressure goes up, and you get that sinking feeling in your gut.

Lenee' Pezzano: Will refer to these physical reactions as fruit. I think it's safe to say in my situation, I had a whole basket of fruit that was quickly growing into an orchard. My insides were running from the opportunity before me, which leads me to your first hack for not worrying about the how.

[00:09:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: Hack number one, Name the fruit and find the root. When fear overwhelm takes over, your body's physical reactions, like a racing heart, shallow breathing, or that sinking feeling, are the fruit. But fruit doesn't grow on its own. It's always connected to a root. And in this case, the root is often a belief about the situation you're facing.

Lenee' Pezzano: You might ask yourself, what am I really afraid of? What am I telling myself about this situation or my ability to handle it? Is my reaction rooted in a need for control or fear of failure? Here's the thing. Perfectionists thrive on control. We want to know every step, every contingency, and every possible outcome.

[00:10:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: We believe our worth is directly tied to our achievements. So it's understandable that we also believe that if we can map out every step perfectly, we can avoid mistakes. Avoiding mistakes means others will be pleased with our performance, which means we have value. The more we can avoid mistakes, the more valuable we are to the world.

Lenee' Pezzano: Who doesn't want to be accepted and considered valuable? I know I do. The problem is that life rarely gives us a step-by-step guide, and that uncertainty sends us straight back to the orchard picking the I must know how fruit. In my situation, I was stuck eating of that fruit. How beneficial might it have been if I would have taken things a step further, inspected the fruit and determined it to be a bad apple.

[00:11:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: What if I flipped the script and instead of obsessing about the how everything would work out, I focused on who could guide me through it. Someone who knew the process like the back of his hand. Someone who was just a phone call away and who would walk the road before me. Which brings us to hack number two. Shift from the how to the who. Hebrews 4:15 says, For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses.

Lenee' Pezzano: But was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. This tells us that God understands in all points what we are going through. all of our fears, worries, and doubts. [00:12:00] Yet. He, of course, didn't succumb to fear and unbelief. Safe to say he's been there, done that, that in and of itself brings my anxiety down a few notches.

Lenee' Pezzano: He also says in Isaiah 41:13, For I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand. Saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee. What situation brings you the greatest fear? Maybe it's a crowded room where you feel out of place. Maybe it's a stormy sea of thoughts like I had swirling out of control. Or maybe it's just that crossroads in life where you don't know which way to go.

[00:13:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: In that place, imagine God standing right beside you. He's not far off, but close. So close that you feel his steady presence. Then you hear him say, Give me your hand. Visualize placing your trembling right hand into his strong warm hand. Feel how steady it is. Feel the strength that flows into you just by being connected to him.

Lenee' Pezzano: And then he says it, don't be afraid. I will help you. Let that sink in for a moment. The God who holds the universe is holding your hand, looking into your eyes and promising that you do not have to carry this alone. Life will always bring us situations that tempt us to try to take control and obsess about the how.

[00:14:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: When you find yourself spiraling, what if you stop and ask, Am I trusting in the how or the who? If it's the how, you can remind yourself that God already knows the way. You can immediately lean into prayer. Shifting your focus on to him and declare scripture over your situation. Here's an example of how that might sound, Lord, I feel myself panicking and worrying about the how, but your word says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Lenee' Pezzano: In all your ways, submit to him. And he will make your path straight. I choose to trust in you, Lord. Isaiah 26:3 says, you will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. There's something so amazing that happens when we shift our focus to the who. Our emotions settle.

[00:15:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: Hope is restored. We can breathe again and feel peace and calmness. We become present and are able to enjoy the moment. We have new energy and we begin to sense his presence. This leads to my third and final hack of the day for you. 

Lenee' Pezzano: Hack number one, name the fruit, find the root, hack number two, shift from the how to the who, and hack number three, renew your mind. renew your peace. Perfectionism often leads us to get stuck in the loop of negative thoughts that fuel our anxiety and self-doubt and fear of failure.

[00:16:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: But God invites us to renew our minds in him and focus on his truth rather than our worries. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. in Philippians 4:8, we're encouraged to fix our minds on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. What does renewing your mind look like? It's taking intentional steps to replace your thoughts with his promises and truths. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 speaks of the fact that Christians have mighty spiritual weapons that we use to bring down strongholds and that those weapons cast down anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and brings into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

[00:17:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: These hacks that you're getting today, they are your spiritual weapons. When those fear-based thoughts start creeping in, catch the thought. Recognize that it's happening. Ask yourself, what is the truth I know about God at this moment? What do I know about his love for me and his promises for my life?

Lenee' Pezzano: Write it down. Make a list of specific truths from scripture that speak to your situation and remind you that you are not alone. This is your God truth list. And then speak the truth. Instead of speaking the lies of fear and self-doubt, speak out loud the truths you've written down, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

[00:18:00]

Lenee' Pezzano: I promise you, there comes a point if you regularly practice these hacks, that your belief system will be changed permanently and you will reap sweet fruit from a new orchard in your soul. This is a true transformation. Breaking up with perfectionism is possible because here's the truth. Knowing the right who will always be better than knowing the how.

Lenee' Pezzano: It's not about having all the answers or following a perfectly laid out plan. It's about trusting the one who already has it all figured out. When we shift our focus from controlling the process to trusting the one who controls the outcome, we can step into peace, freedom, and a deeper relationship with him. 

Lenee' Pezzano: Boy, how I wish I would have had someone guiding me through such powerful advice when I was in the midst of my storm. It's why I'm so passionate to help you now, so you can gain victory much faster.

[00:19:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: Remember, perfectionism doesn't stand a chance against God's grace. No matter where you are in your journey, He's got you and he's more than capable of guiding you through any fear you face. today I challenge you to let go of the need to know all the hows and rest in the confidence that God is walking with you through it all. 

Lenee' Pezzano: Remember, when you're tempted to obsess over the how, shift to the who, lean into his promises, and let him lead the way. 

Lenee' Pezzano: if today's episode resonated with you, don't miss next week's episode, where we'll dive even deeper into how to break up with perfectionism and learn to love yourself. and if you're looking for more resources to help you on this journey, make sure to check out my website again at leneepezzano.com

[00:20:00] 

Lenee' Pezzano: where you'll find tools and resources to guide and support you. And maybe you desire a community who will root for you and remind you of God's truths. Be sure to join our Facebook community, the Redeemed Perfectionist. The link is in the show notes, and I can't wait to see you there. And lastly, maybe you need to express a thought. Or maybe you had a real aha moment today that you are dying to share. I'm all ears. Just click that little telephone below that says, Ask Lenee’ anything, and let me hear it.

Lenee' Pezzano: Until next time, sis, keep your hacker hacking. You've got this!