Love is Kind: Breaking Free from Self-Criticism and Perfectionism | 007

In this episode of The Redeemed Perfectionist, host Leneé Pezzano discusses the struggles of self-criticism, especially related to body image and weight. She shares her personal battles with perfectionism and body dysmorphia and emphasizes the importance of replacing the harsh inner critic with kindness. Leneé provides practical, faith-based steps to cultivate self-kindness and align one's thoughts and actions with God's love and grace. Listeners are encouraged to join the Redeemed Perfectionist community for support and resources on their journey to overcome perfectionism.

Introduction
You know when you've been working so hard to lose weight and you're finally feeling yourself...

Confronting the Inner Critic
But then the weight starts creeping back slowly. Sneakily, and at first you ignore it....

Personal Struggles and Scripture
Okay, real talk. This episode has been so hard for me because I struggle with this, especially when it comes to my weight....

Why Self-Criticism Has to Go
Here's the thing, we can't keep living in self-criticism if we truly want to follow Jesus his love....

Practical Steps to Overcome Self-Criticism
Now that we know why self-criticism has to go, the question is how do we actually stop?...

Closing Encouragement and Resources
Sis, let's start today. Let's choose kindness because if Jesus has already called us worthy of love, it's time we start believing him....

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Transcript

Love is Kind: Breaking Free from the Inner Critic | 007

Leneé Pezzano: [00:00:00] If you are just joining the Redeem Perfectionist podcast community and you chose to start with this episode, then I urge you to listen to this intro. It's got some special information that's going to really help you understand the journey we're on.

However, if you've been with me this whole time, you can skip this next part. You've already heard it, 

And just fast forward to around three minutes, seven seconds or so.

 [Music]

You know when something just feels a little bit off?  It's like you know where you're supposed to be and you know you're doing what you're called to do and you're following the formulas, creating the content, and yet something. in your Jiver just ain't jiving and in your knower, just ain't knowing?  That has been me these last few weeks and honestly that screams misalignment.

[00:01:00] I did not get into podcasting to become the best marketer or win a prize for having the best scripted episodes, I felt compelled to help you as a listener, understand God's heart and understand that there is a way to overcome perfectionism and that you don't have to do it alone. I came to breed relationship and to foster connection with you. as I share my own struggles and my victories through my own walk with the Lord, 

That's what I wanna create here.

The next few episodes were recorded before I had this little epiphany. So that said, you might feel like they are way more scripted and they are and less like we're just chatting over a cup of coffee. I decided that I was going to keep them as is. I really think it'll be fun to look back and enjoy this imperfect journey as the spirit of God.

[00:02:00] It basically weaves his revelation in and out of our souls. So, if you're hearing this message, just know that this episode you're about to hear it still comes from the heart and from my own experience. 

Starting something new is messy. Every work of art is, and the perfectionist that we are will avoid doing the thing until it's well perfect. But sometimes you have to obey first, and then the understanding follows. Sometimes God says, go and trust me that making mistakes will happen and you're gonna be okay because I'm with you.

This journey is not for the faint of heart, but it is worth every price paid to get to today, 

So thank you for caring, for being gracious, for being patient. For hearing my heart, and most of all,I thank you for pursuing the Lord and for 

[00:03:00] believing that there is something better for you than where you have been to this point. 

You know when you've been working so hard to lose weight and you're finally feeling yourself, clothes are fitting right? Confidence is high, and you're strutting around like you just stepped off a runway like, yeah, Lord, this is the body you had in mind for me. But then the weight starts creeping back slowly.

Sneakily, and at first you ignore it. Maybe these jeans shrunk in the wash, but then one day you go to put on that cute outfit, the one that used to make you feel unstoppable, and suddenly you look like the before picture in a weight loss ad again. And that's when the inner [00:04:00] critic swoops in. Ugh, here we go again.

You have no self-control. Why can't you not just get it together? You are back to being your same old fat self.

Self-criticism soon turns into self-punishment, and suddenly you have spiraled down the proverbial toilet, flushing yourself right into the pit of despair. Okay, real talk. This episode has been so hard for me because I struggle with this, especially when it comes to my weight.

As I've shared with you on multiple occasions, I still struggle with perfectionism in certain areas of my life, and body dysmorphia has been a huge stronghold for me. Like I know love is kind. I mean, one Corinthians 13:4 says so, which means to show oneself mild, or 

[00:05:00] in other words, not severe or harsh or extreme.

I know I should speak to myself with Grace, but actually doing that, that's another story. So if you're sitting there thinking, love is kind, but it definitely doesn't apply to me. I. Yeah, trust me, I get it. honestly, that's why we need today's episode of the Redeemed Perfectionist. we are talking about replacing that inner critic with kindness because we wouldn't talk to our best friends like that.

So why is it okay to talk to ourselves that way? before we go any further, who am I and why am I talking about this? Hi sis. I'm Leneé, host of the Redeemed Perfectionist, where we call out perfectionism for the liar it is and learn to live in the freedom of God's grace. If you've ever felt like you are not enough 

[00:06:00] friend, you are in the right place today.

Instead of me showing up as the expert, we are gonna walk through this together because I need this just as much as you do. if this is resonating with you already. See that follow button down there? I don't want you to miss future episodes. Be sure to click on it and if you know another perfectionist who needs to hear this, would you go ahead and share it with her too, because hey, we're all in this together.

Here's the thing, we can't keep living in self-criticism if we truly want to follow Jesus’s love. It's not punitive or condemning, and it certainly isn't the voice in our heads telling us we're not pretty enough, lovable enough, or worthy enough unless we meet some impossible standard. If we 

[00:07:00] believe his love is kind, then that means we have to let go of the habit of tearing ourselves down because following Jesus means following his definition of love, not our inner critics.

And this isn't just about us. When we constantly criticize ourselves, we're actually rejecting the very love we're called to share with others. If we can't receive God's love for ourselves, how can we fully reflect it to the people around us? How can we pour into others when we're running on empty self-criticism doesn't just hurt us.

It stifles our ministry, our relationships, and our ability to love others the way Christ has called us to. That's why repentance is so important. Repenting of self-criticism isn't just about feeling better, it's about 

[00:08:00] realigning our hearts with God's truth. It's choosing to believe that when he calls us beloved, he actually means it.

It is recognizing that if God in all his holiness has chosen to cover us in grace, then who are we to withhold that grace from ourselves? And here's the beautiful thing. When we walk in God's kindness, it overflows. When we stop beating ourselves up. We become more patient with others. When we stop believing the lie that we're unworthy.

We stop placing impossible expectations on the people we love. The kindness we extend to ourselves is the same kindness we will naturally extend to the world around us. now that we know why self-criticism has to go, the question is how do we actually stop? Because let's be real. It's 

[00:09:00] not as simple as just flipping a switch. If self-criticism has been our default for years, replacing it with kindness is going to take some intentional effort. 

 But the good news, you don't have to do it alone, and you don't have to be perfect at it. let's talk about a few practical steps we both can take right now to start breaking free from self-criticism and choosing self-kindness instead.

Number one, take captive the thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. What are common self-criticisms you have that you know are not aligned with God? What happens if you write those down and then replace them with biblical truth? For example, in my case, I easily criticize myself when I gain weight.

That said, I would first write 

[00:10:00] down the lie that says My worth is based on how I look. Then I would replace it with the truth that my worth comes from God, not my appearance. Two scriptures that confirm this truth are Isaiah 43:4. You are precious and honored in my sight and I love you. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

Here's another example. The lie is that I will never be good enough unless I reach my ideal weight or size the truth. I am already enough in Christ for we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the things that he planned for us long ago. That's Ephesians 2:10. 

[00:11:00] number two, repent and release.

 I still remember the moment I realized that my perfectionism wasn't just about high standards or being driven, it was deeply rooted in sin, not in a shameful, condemning way. But in a way that opened my eyes to how I had been agreeing with lies instead of God's truth. I had unknowingly spoken harsh words over myself that God never would.

I had measured my worth by performance instead of His love. But acknowledgement is the first step toward freedom . Repentance isn't about punishment. It's about returning. It's turning away from self-condemnation. And turning back to the God who speaks life over you. Acknowledging is a really essential first step. From there you might pray something like, Lord, I repent for

 [00:12:00] speaking against myself in ways you never would help me see myself through your eyes. Ask God to renew your mind daily and help you walk in his love instead of self-condemnation.

Remember, grace is also the energy that empowers us to do this very thing and maybe keep a list of affirming scriptures visible to counter those negative thoughts Again, we don't flip a switch. This is gonna take intentional repetition. 

Number three, speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend.

If a close friend came to you feeling the way you do about yourself, how would you respond? Would you call her a failure or reminder of her worth? Can you practice speaking to yourself with the same grace, encouragement, and compassion that you would extend to her? 

And if you really want to let it sink in, try 

[00:13:00] looking in the mirror as you do it. Let your eyes meet your own and speak those words out loud. Not because you're trying to earn anything, but because your heart needs to hear it. You are not who perfectionism says you are. You are who God says you are, and he calls you beloved. 

Try using a self-kindness filter if it's not something Jesus would say to you. Practice not saying it to yourself. Number four, invite God into the process daily. What would it look like if you start your mourning by asking God to help you see yourself as he does?

When self-criticism creeps in, invite him into that moment asking, Lord, how do you see me right now? End your day by thanking God for the ways He showed you kindness and love that day. And you know what's powerful 

[00:14:00] about this step is it so quickly moves you away from thoughts about you and shifts your perspective to him.

Isaiah 26:3 says He keeps him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on the Lord. 

Number five, take small intentional steps of self-kindness, like give yourself permission to rest without guilt. Celebrate small wins instead of dismissing them (flowers, anyone?) Writee down one kind thing about yourself every day, and thank God for it.

By the way, do it regardless if you feel like it's true or not. Self-kindness isn't about ignoring our flaws. It's about seeing ourselves through the lens of grace instead of judgment. And when we walk in that grace, it changes everything, our confidence, our relationships, and most 

[00:15:00] importantly, our ability to love and serve others well.

 Sis, let's start today. Let's choose kindness because if Jesus has already called us worthy of love, it's time we start believing him. 

 I am so glad you joined me today. I hope you feel encouraged and equipped with fresh perspectives and action steps for the journey of overcoming perfectionism.

I know how challenging it is to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, and the good news is that you don't have to do it alone. The Redeemed Perfectionist Facebook community is a safe haven where real women share real struggles. And victories on the path of freedom. You can find the link in the show notes.

You can also visit www.leneepezzano.com. That's 

[00:16:00] L-E-N-E-E-P-P-E-Z-Z-A-N-O.com, and explore my free resources, including A PDF, copy of my book. You will make mistakes. Consider my website your personal treasure hunt for truth and grace.

Before you go, remember to subscribe to this podcast, so together we can continue building your armor against perfectionism. You are deeply loved, fully known, and completely redeemed. Keep walking in Grace and I will see you next time, Sister!