The Four-Letter Word Hiding Behind Perfectionism | 010

In this episode of the Redeemed Perfectionist podcast, host Leneé Pezzano delves into the silent but destructive force of envy and its impact on perfectionists. She outlines the differences between envy, jealousy, and covetousness, highlighting how envy uniquely undermines our sense of self-worth and fuels comparison. Drawing from Proverbs 14:30, Leneé explores how envy rots the bones and contrasts it with the peace found in love. Through personal insights and faith-based reflections, Leneé  provides listeners with tools to replace envy with love and contentment. Tune in to learn how to break free from the chains of perfectionism and step into grace-soaked freedom.

00:00 Introduction: The Silent Saboteur

00:53 Understanding Envy: A Deeper Dive

01:11 Personal Journey and Biblical Insights

02:57 Defining Jealousy, Covetousness, and Envy

04:47 The Impact of Envy on Perfectionists

06:29 Choosing Love Over Envy

07:44 Practical Steps to Overcome Envy

09:31 Tools and Resources for Your Journey

10:50 Conclusion and Next Steps

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Transcript

The Four-Letter Word Hiding Behind Perfectionism | 010

Leneé Pezzano: [00:00:00] If you are just joining the Redeem Perfectionist podcast community and you chose to start with this episode, then I urge you to listen to this intro. It's got some special information that's going to really help you understand the journey we're on.

However, if you've been with me this whole time, you can skip this next part. You've already heard it, and just fast forward to around three minutes, seven seconds or so. 

[MUSIC]

You know when something just feels a little bit off?  It's like you know where you're supposed to be and you know you're doing what you're called to do and you're following the formulas, creating the content, and yet something. in your jiver just ain't jiving and in your knower, just ain't knowing that has been me these last few weeks and honestly that screams misalignment.

[00:01:00] I did not get into podcasting to become the best marketer or win a prize for having the best scripted episodes, I felt compelled to help you as a listener, understand God's heart and understand that there is a way to overcome perfectionism and that you don't have to do it alone. I came to breed relationship and to foster connection with you. as I share my own struggles and my victories through my own walk with the Lord.

That's what I wanna create here.

The next few episodes were recorded before I had this little epiphany. So that said, you might feel like they are way more scripted and they are and less like we're just chatting over a cup of coffee. I decided that I was going to keep them as is. I really think it'll be fun to look back and enjoy this imperfect journey as the spirit of God.

[00:02:00] It basically weaves his revelation in and out of our souls. So if you're hearing this message, just know that this episode you're about to hear it still comes from the heart and from my own experience. 

Starting something new is messy. Every work of art is, and the perfectionist that we are will avoid doing the thing until it's well perfect. But sometimes you have to obey first, and then the understanding follows. Sometimes God says, go and trust me that making mistakes will happen and you're gonna be okay because I'm with you.

This journey is not for the faint of heart, but it is worth every price paid to get to today, 

So thank you for caring, for being gracious, for being patient. For hearing my heart, and most of all,I thank you for pursuing the Lord and for believing

[00:03:00] that there is something better for you than where you have been to this point. 

There's a four-letter word that might be the quiet reason. You're exhausted, anxious, or silently self-sabotaging, and it's not the one you're thinking. It's sneaky, socially acceptable, and even praised in hustle culture. Today we are gonna expose it and discuss why perfectionists like us need to detox from it Now.

Let's play a little game of jeopardy. Here's your clue. In Proverbs 1430, this word is said to rot the bones and is contrasted with a peaceful heart. If you listen to last week's episode, number seven, you're probably already side eyeing me with a knowing smile like, girl, I know where you're going with this, but let me ask you this.

[00:04:00] How often have you actually paused to unpack what envy really is? Not just the surface stuff, but the way it quietly creeps into your thoughts, relationships, and even your view of God. Today we're going there. I'm Leneé Pezzano your official envy detox coach and host of the Redeemed Perfectionist podcast.

I lived a life trapped in the cycle of comparison and the prison of perfectionism, but God showed me a better way, and now I help women like you break up with the lies of not enoughness and step into grace-soaked freedom. If you've been hanging out with me lately, you might have noticed we've been on a love deep dive, but there's been a little twist.

Did you catch the secret theme? You might have noticed in these mini episodes, they've quietly been forming a

[00:05:00] series on how to truly love yourself. Not from a worldly lens, but through the lens of God's love. Straight from one Corinthians 13. And if this is your first episode, you are not too late. You're right on time.

In each mini we've been unpacking a different aspect of love that you can apply directly to yourself. Love isn't just something we show to others. It's a gift we need to give ourselves too. And as a perfectionist, I know it's so easy to overlook that right? Every time we choose to love ourselves as God loves us, we're breaking free from the chains of perfectionism and envy.

So as we dive in today, think about how this journey of loving yourself, starting with the truth, the first Corinthians 13 has been laying the foundation for your healing. Now let's take the step together. 

[00:06:00] I'll be honest, I had not dug into envy much at all before preparing for this episode. Jealousy, I could relate to Covetousness, I thought I knew, but I wasn't really sure about envy. Turns out I needed a lesson on all three. The reality is that they're very similar and a little bit hard to differentiate.

For the sake of today's conversation, I'm gonna give you a cheat sheet. 

Jealousy is the fear of losing. What's yours like when your best friends start spending more time with somebody else in your friend group, but without you. 

Covetousness has to do with wanting what is theirs, for example.Coveting your neighbor's house or spouse. Think David with Bathsheba.

[00:07:00] Envy. That's resenting what they have because it makes you feel less than. Have you ever stopped the scroll on that perfectly curated Instagram post and suddenly felt ugly behind and unworthy? Ouch. Me too. Do you see the difference?

Each one chips away at your peace, but envy goes straight for your identity. It's like termites in your foundation. It works in silence, but over time it wrecks everything you've built. Has envy been showing up in your life lately? If this stirred something in, you already come share it with us in the redeemed Facebook community.

I want to hear your story and pray alongside you. 

So how does Envy tie into perfectionism? It's all about 

[00:08:00] comparison. As perfectionists, we're constantly measuring ourselves against others, whether it's their accomplishments, their looks, their relationships, or even their spiritual walk. We set impossibly high standards for ourselves, and when somebody else seems to meet or exceed them, it cuts deep.

Instead of celebrating their success. Envy whispers that we're not good enough. That will never measure up. It may even lead to a desire for the other person to fail. Envy distorts our identity and it destroys our peace. It tells us that we're defined by what we lack instead of who we are in Christ. It rots the very foundation of our self-worth and joy keeping us stuck in a never-ending cycle of striving In comparison.

Remember how we said that it's rottenness to the bones? 

[00:09:00] Bones represent the body's core structure and the foundational strength and support of the body. Because they are hidden and foundational, they can also represent our character and identity or inner self. Because envy festers deep within our identity.

It has the power to rot us from the inside out, affecting not just how we see others, but how we see ourselves. One cannot live in envy and love at the same time. Love says I am enough, as I am envy whispers. I'll never be enough. Love is content with growth in the process. Envy demands perfection from the start.

Love cheers on others without losing its own worth. Envy counts others’ wins.

[00:10:00] as personal losses. Love finds peace in grace. Envy breeds restlessness through comparison. Which one of these hit you hardest just now.

Even rereading these, I'm reminded of how much I've struggled with this. Choosing love over envy doesn't change our relationships. It changes the way we see ourselves, and that's where true transformation begins. 

How are you feeling so far? Have your eyes been opened a bit more than before? 

You have shown incredible courage just by tuning in today and being willing to dig into a somewhat uncomfortable topic.Let's talk about where to go from here. Envy doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It's the fruit of a deeper root, often tied to our perfectionist mindset.

[00:11:00] Becoming aware of it is the first key to unlocking freedom. it's recognizing when envy is sneaking in whispering lies that make you feel less than or not enough. Sometimes it's subtle, like when you scroll through social media and suddenly feel discontent or when someone else's success makes you question your own worth.

But sis awareness doesn't mean condemnation. It's actually a gift from God, a chance to invite him into your struggle. When you catch yourself going there, you can immediately turn to the Lord, hold that feeling up to the light of his truth, and ask him to help you shift from the lie to his truth.

Remember this. Envy loses its grip when we root our worth in God's love, not others' lives. Let's take a moment to respond to that truth together. 

[00:12:00] If you would close your eyes with me. Take a deep breath and repeat the following. Lord, thank you for revealing the places where envy has taken root.

Help me to see myself through your eyes. Worthy, loved, and more than enough, I choose to replace envy with love, especially for myself and comparison with contentment. In Jesus' name, amen. 

You are not walking this journey alone. God is with you and I'm cheering you on too. Speaking of not walking alone, I wanna make sure you have access to the right tools for your journey.

If this did hit home with you, the best next step for you is the five-day perfectionism detox. you'll reset your thought life and start fresh. If you're not sure how perfectionism might be 

[00:13:00] sneaking into your life. The grace scale will help you see where it's showing up and where Grace can meet you instead.

And if you're craving real sisterhood, the kind where you can be honest about your struggles, ask for prayer and grow in grace. The Redeemed Perfectionist Facebook Community is your safe haven. It's where perfectionism loses its grip, and God's love takes center stage. Just come as you are. We're saving a seat for you. You'll find all the tools you need, plus the links on my website. That's www.leneepezzano.com. And if you look down, well, as long as you're not driving, you'll see a little phone where you can leave me a message and I would love to know what other topics you might be interested in discussing.

Let's connect. Lastly, why do we sometimes 

[00:14:00] resist God's leading even when we know it's good? Next week, we will dig into the part of you that doesn't want to follow God and how understanding it is the secret weapon to freedom. rally your girls form your own little freedom squad and tune in together because this one's gonna hit deep.

See you next week, sis.

I'm going