From Fear to Perfect Love: My Journey Out of Perfectionism and Into God’s Grace | 018

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From Fear to Perfect Love: My Journey Out of Perfectionism and Into God’s Grace | Episode 018

Are you tired of striving, fearing failure, and chasing perfection—only to feel exhausted and empty? In this powerful episode of The Redeemed Perfectionist, host Leneé Pezzano opens her heart and shares her personal journey from fear and perfectionism to experiencing the freedom of God’s perfect love.

For the first time on the podcast, Leneé recounts her redemption story—highlighting the moments fear tried to keep her silent, the seasons where religion overshadowed relationship, and the ways Jesus persistently and gently redeemed her heart. Through a Holy Spirit-led conversation with her sister-in-faith, Natalie Lawson, she reveals how God transformed her struggle with perfectionism, fear, shame, and striving into grace, obedience, and authentic intimacy with Him.

You’ll hear:

• How fear and perfectionism tried to define Leneé’s life and faith.
• The turning point when grace began to replace fear.
• Lessons from decades-long spiritual growth that transformed her heart.
• Practical insights for embracing God’s love without striving or self-condemnation.

Whether you’re battling perfectionism, struggling to hear God’s voice, or simply seeking freedom in His grace, this episode will inspire and empower you to take the next step in your journey—without fear, guilt, or striving.

🎧 Tune in and discover how perfect love casts out fear, how grace invites transformation, and how God meets you right where you are.

🌐 Connect with Lenee' Pezzano and The Redeemed Perfectionist

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https://www.instagram.com/leneepezzano/
📞Ask Lenee' Anything!: https://www.speakpipe.com/LeneePezzano
💰Show support: The Redeemed Perfectionist | Where Grace Meets Grit: Healing the Perfectionist Heart | Patreon

Transcript

From Fear to Perfect Love: My Journey Out of Perfectionism and Into God’s Grace | 018

Leneé Pezzano: Many of you have reached out and asked to hear more of my story, and today I'm finally sharing it. Welcome back to the Redeemed Perfectionist where we shed light on aspects of perfectionism and help one another walk through that journey to freedom and discovering God's grace.

I'm your host, Leneé Pezzano and today's episode is the direct result of you wanting to hear my redemption story. For the first time on this podcast, you're going to hear my story, through the lens of somebody who has watched my journey up close. Natalie, who's not only a friend, but truly a sister in the faith interviewed me recently for her platform, and the conversation was Holy Spirit led, honest.

And so aligned with what God's doing here in this community that I just felt like I had to bring it to you in this way. So today you'll hear pieces of my past, the places where perfectionism rooted itself, the moments where fear tried to keep me silent. 

[00:01:00] The seasons where religion overshadowed relationship, and the way Jesus gently and persistently redeemed every corner of my heart My prayer is that as you listen, you won't hear just my story, you'll feel permission to be honest about yours. You'll recognize the places that God has been pursuing your heart, and you'll be reminded that grace does not demand perfection. It invites transformation. Now, before we dive in, make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode.

And if you haven't yet taken the Grace Scale quiz, my short eye-opening assessment that helps you see exactly how much perfectionism is impacting your life, make sure you take it after this episode. I'll drop the link in the show notes. All right, let's jump in. 

Natalie Lawson: I am here with Leneé Pezzano. Um, you guys are really excited for you to get to hear from her today. I've been sharing stories over the last few months called My Redemption Story, and it's me getting 

[00:02:00] to interview, and have you guys hear from someone else, their story and testimony of coming into faith, how God has been working in their life. 

Leneé and I have had the opportunity just to know each other for several years now, um, working, together in the online space. And she's also just been such an incredible faith mentor, um, and friend to myself and our family. She just has a powerful discernment from the Lord and spiritual gifts that she really activates and has really had just a huge impact, not only on myself, but I know so many people.

I do wanna read her official bio because you guys, God has just been working in her life and she's been doing some pretty amazing things and shining her light. And so, I want you guys to know she is an author, she is a certified speaker, she’s a professional mentor whose greatest mission is to share God's truth, restore His principles, and inspire individuals to an authentic relationship with him.

Leneé has walked with Jesus for 30 years which she'll get to 

[00:03:00] share about today and impacting hundreds, I'd say, who knows, your story has probably gone to thousands now, especially with your podcast out there. Yeah. Um, individuals across multiple platforms. And so, you'll definitely love hearing from her today.

But I really wanna encourage you to friend her, follow her, connect with her, um, just because she is truly someone who, you know, is going to, when you connect with her, she just shares her heart, shares from the Lord, um, and is just such a blessing to connect. She has a new book, so we'll talk a little bit about that, called You will Make Mistakes: Discovering God's Grace in the midst of Perfectionism, so I'm sure we'll relate to that. And then she has her new podcast out which just launched, I think you're, remind me, is it international?  Is that right? 

Yeah, it's out there wherever you can get your podcasts. It's definitely global and called The Redeemed Perfectionist. We're at the baby stages now, so super exciting.  

Natalie: I've been able to listen to episodes as well and she just shared so many

[00:04:00] downloads and again, what the Lord has taught her, has walked her through. So definitely, um, make sure you're, you're getting the podcast but Leneé, I'd love for you to just to share a little bit more.  For anybody who's maybe watching this for the first time, the Lord just really highlighted, like, have people share their testimonies. We can share testimonies about our businesses, right? So, why not share our faith stories and testimonies and how could that impact someone else's life?  Because they might be able to relate or resonate with something that you've been through, and then realize like how God can redeem us, bring us into, relationship with him. So, I'd love for you just, I don't know how far back you wanna go, but I know you said you 30 years, right? It's amazing of walking with the Lord.

Leneé : Thank you, Natalie. And yeah, I am just amazed at the journey and all that I'm discovering, you know, the real revelation has come, I would say in the last decade. But yeah, I'm walking with the Lord nearly 30 years now, and I still feel like a baby. 

[00:05:00] I still feel like I'm just discovering Him. It's so crazy, God is broad and high and deep and wide, and He does not put a boundary on intimacy with Him.  He will take our relationship with him as deep, high, wide, and far as we will let Him. It's eternal. There's no end to, our ability to grow in intimacy with the Lord. We put a stop to Him by our own doing not because He puts a limit there.

I'm not ashamed to share my age. Just turned 54. I'm so thankful for the, the way I grew up in the family I grew up with. I grew up in, a suburb here in central Ohio. Um, I was raised Catholic in your, you know, the traditional Italian Catholic family.  Proud of that, you know, very loyal to one another. And I was always a very passionate individual.

There isn't anything that I do that I do halfway and, 

[00:06:00] my whole heart goes into everything I do. And it's, very interesting because, when I was 15 years old, and was entering that season where I was gonna get my temps and my license to drive, interestingly enough, the first thing that I wanted to do when I got my license was go to church and there was no, we didn't talk about the Lord in our house. I mean, I went to Catholic elementary school. Looking back, I found, some of my, material from catechism class, and I just, I seemed to have a heart for the Lord. But it's not like we had that kind of culture in our home that we talked about it.

We were just sort of sent to class and then we went to church, but we never got in the Bible together. Like none of that was ever a thing. So, I can see where God was working in my life, even as a young human. And, you know, I got my license the first thing I did was went to church. 

[00:07:00] the only church I knew, and something must have been missing for me, because I wasn't connecting.

Now, I couldn't, at that age tell you, I couldn't articulate it, but something must have just been off. We eventually went to public school, had some challenges with the church we were in, got pulled out of that system, put into public school. I had been heavily bullied in elementary school so public school for me was actually a little bit better than the private school I was in, but heavily bullied.

I found my journal as an 8-year-old, and was already shaming myself from body image standpoint, was already comparing myself to others, always thinking I'm fat and ugly. Like that was just a, I don't know where any of that came from, but that was certainly very present at that age. I think just as we do as humans, especially young little girls, like I was just always in search of relationship and love and, and again, I just had this really big heart and, just wanted to be loved.

[00:08:00] Right? And so, got into, high school age, was now driving, very athletic, very successful in school, just a social butterfly, very extroverted, high achiever, and just really pushed myself. And that's when I started to get, introduced to things like alcohol.

And, and so for me, anything that I got involved in from the party scene was really just to be accepted, to be honest with you. Looking back, I don't think any of that was actually fun, but I made it fun because for me it was acceptance. And then met my first love, fell in love, thought I was gonna marry the guy, you know, all this, not knowing Jesus yet.  And then had my heart broke and at that point, I think is when I went off the deep end. So, from 18 to 24, I was just looking for love wherever I could find it and medicating with whatever for me it was typically, alcohol and food. Those were my go-tos, and 

[00:09:00] relationship addiction, and so, really packed it in.  At the same time, living a very successful career already on the fast track in a career, making money, buying my first home. I mean, just all the things right, but secretly suffering in so many ways. Outsiders looking in would look at me with this zeal and the charisma and the strength that they believed I had.

And just like that girl is awesome and nothing can stop her. And she's fearless and all these conclusions and inside full of fear, fear just infiltrated everything that I ever did. And so, it was all packed in and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had been in and out of a church with a friend of mine who had been my best friend, was a party buddy, but then got married, turned to Jesus, and I left her at that point. 

[00:10:00] But she's the one I ran back to and I was broken and in need of help. And I would go to her church and every time I go to her church and listen to the preacher preach, I would just be sobbing because again, it's as if Jesus is speaking through Him to me.

So, you know, I finally surrendered. I knew that though the Catholicism gave me the foundation I needed, I know it couldn't take me to where I was going. And so. I eventually was immersed and baptized in her church, in that church. And then I was like, yeah, I mean, I was just, here came my zeal. I was all in, right?

And then I just went to the extreme, cut out all the things, all the alcohol, all the things. And now I was driven, but in this good way and so, I dove in. I started bible studies and she and I started a group for teens and all kinds of stuff. 

[00:11:00] And it didn't take long for, the baggage that I still had to start to show up in the church realm in my Christian walk with the Lord.  And so many, many things occurred over time. 

Fast forward to six or seven years into my walk with Jesus. So, I became a Christian in ‘94. I was about 20 some years old. And, God began to show up in ways that were unexplainable by the church I was in because the church I was in did not believe in things like prophetic giftings, words of knowledge, another language tongues, that type of thing.  Those gifts ceased with those who carried those gifts back in the days of Jesus. And so, when God began to show up in those ways in my life, I no longer could stay where I was. I had to follow where God was taking me. 

[00:12:00] And so once again, that church served its season and I had to move forward and I began to get to know the Lord in this new kind of way through these giftings and the baptism of the Spirit and things of that nature.

And yet, didn't realize still, the bondage that I was in, decades into my walk with Him. When things really began to come to a head was, I would say around 2019 or so maybe, and, the Lord called me to write a book and I said, you want me to, to do what? All of a sudden fear rose up.

And by the way, that pattern was always the case. Whenever God would bring a new opportunity my way, fear was always the first response. And there's revelation around that now that we'll probably get to. But but that's what rose up in me and I freaked out. And yet. I've always been the one to obey, you know, I'm a perfectionist is a rule follower anyway.

[00:13:00] And so then to know that it's God and whenever I know it's Him, you can't hold me back. I'm going. And so, obedience has really saved my life, to be honest with you, because it's like He knows I'll obey. So, He puts it out there and that's what I do. And then I start getting revelation. 'cause the understanding doesn't come until obedience happens.

We don't get understanding until after we obey typically. Yeah. So good. And so, I just freaked, but I was like, okay, I gotta do this. And, He wanted me to enjoy that journey. I wasn't enjoying the journey. I was freaking out about the product that I was supposed to produce because a perfectionist is like, I gotta know what I'm doing. I gotta control the outcome. I gotta do it just right. Uh, and so I, He kept showing up through people to say, just write. Just sit down and start writing. He didn't have some standard that I had to guess at that. If I failed to meet, then I would be unacceptable. That is not at all what he was doing.

[00:14:00] He just wanted me to get started, and then He was going to train me up in the process and give me the skills that I need, and eventually things would happen. So finally, I settled down. I got a volunteer group around me. I didn't even know where to begin. So, I just started writing. I started writing the testimony that I'm giving you today.

I started writing all these things, right? My journey in life and with God. And then eventually I was like, I think I should write about singlehood and how He promised me in my late twenties I would have a husband on Earth. And that's never happened yet. And how that story parallels Abraham's story waiting on the promise.

And so, I thought I had a plan, right? And I go down this, this road and I'm writing, and I'm writing for a year. So, like all of 2020 was really my time to just write during quarantine. And it was great. 

[00:15:00] And I'm with my volunteer team who's helping edit and audit, and we're on the last meeting before I thought my book would be done.  And somebody said to me, are you sure you're still writing a memoir? And my spirit leapt and I knew God had just spoke. That it was now time to pivot again. I just knew it. I knew it in my knower, and then I got mad and then I got angry and 'cause I got afraid again. Fear rose up and I'm like; the reason I picked a memoir is it would be easier to me than writing a self-help.  It, it was easier, safer. And part of what I learned about perfectionism is we will allow ourselves to go just far enough that we think we can still be successful. And so, it was safe for me, right? Yeah. And so, then I was like, okay, 

[00:16:00] I gotta pivot. And I just, I knew it. I just knew. And so, I had someone who hadn't yet really become a true friend, but I was led to her, her name's Renee.  She had written a book. I felt led to call her. I called her, I'm crying, I'm just scared. And she told me her story and it was like all resonating with me. God was using her as a voice of comfort and hope and guidance for me. And so, she connected me to a publishing company. Long story short, I bought a year-long program and I said to myself, this book will happen in one year.  I'm not paying extra. And I put boundaries on it. 

And I called and um, I said to the coach, I said, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't even know what I'm supposed to write about, but here I am and here's my story. And there were a few weeks between the revelation that I was supposed to pivot and me talking to this coach and the revelation that happened in that timeframe.

[00:17:00] It was over Christmas. I was on break. I had all this time to think and analyze and complain and pray and all the things. And I was like, Lord, what do I even write about? And I just didn't know. So, I, I had to go back to the very day when He called me to write a book. And I remembered Him saying to me, He said, it's your season, you will make mistakes. Hmm. And I go back to that point and I'm like, you will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. And I just couldn't get that out of my crawl. And I'm like, if somebody doesn't like to make mistakes, then they're trying to be perfect. They must be a perfectionist. And I googled perfectionism and Natalie, you might as well just be like, this is Leneé. This is Leneé, this is Leneé. I'm like, I am a perfectionist. I now had words to it and I'm like, I think I'm supposed to write about this. 

[00:18:00] The other thing that had happened when He spoke to me those words, at that time, I had bounced it off of a few people and they're like, Leneé, I think that's your title.  But see, I was like, no, because I'm gonna write a memoir. I'm not writing this other book over here. So I had to go back right to when God had showed up originally, and it all started to make sense. 

And so I get on with this coach, I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing, but here's my story so far.  And she's like well, you don't need a title right now. You just need something to work with. So why don't you just say you will make mistakes discovering God's grace in the midst of perfectionism. She said it. I was like, you had it. That's my title. Like I just knew. And so, February 6th of that year, I just started writing and then I had a book in hand by November.

And here's what I've learned since then. He will sometimes call you to a task that you haven't even fully been through. You are getting healed as you're obeying. 

[00:19:00] And I was getting healed as I was obeying. And I'm even looking now back at what I wrote and I'm like, I've been healed even more since then.Like my, my black or white perfectionist brain sometimes says, well, I have to do all this first and then this. It's a very all or none. Yeah. And that it's not been what this journey has been like. So, so yeah, I published the book and then I'm like, okay, what do you want me to do now? And then that's when things began to unfold.

And probably over the last two years or so, He's really been poking at me to do podcasts or do something similar. And, and so here we are. So, it's been a journey, Nat. It's been a journey. 

Well, it's been fun to kind of get to see and hear about it over the years too. And then like, yeah, here you are.  And you're doing it. 'cause I know that it's been a challenge, like you said, to still be like, okay, I wanna do it all. And sometimes I was like, just do it. 

[00:20:00] Like you're not supposed to do it. So yes, I think like, I would love to touch on that a little bit because I think, I mean, I resonate with that of like, when God calls you and then the first thing is fear, right? Yeah. And now I love that you though, like you said, He knows you're gonna obey so you do it. Um, I feel like he know I, that's something I struggled with because of the fear and what do they say? Delay in obedience is still disobedience. Yep. I've been that person where I'll delay it. And it's interesting how though He's used that to speak to me because one of the things I always thought was like, well what if I'm not hearing from Him? What if it's my idea? Yeah. Idea, right? 

You start, and it was interesting that something just had transpired in May. He gave me like a full download of like what I was supposed to do and He even gave me, for the first time really even gave me like a month, like, this is gonna happen in October. Mm. My first thought was like, no way. Like I am not even connected in this area. 

[00:21:00] I put up all reasons why it couldn't be me, or that that's probably not possible, even though I was like, I knew, kinda like you said, you had a knowing, like I knew that the Lord had shared that with me, and it was interesting because of my delayed obedience.

He still made it happen through someone else that I was connected to. And so I still get to be in help and be a part of it and use my giftings with it. But it's saying He is like, I'm told you, but He, and that was His way though of showing me like, you are hearing from Me. Yes. Stopping, every time I tell you something essentially.  Yeah. And I need you to stop wavering, stop doubting. Yeah. Because I wanna trust you with more, but I need you to trust me. Yeah. Right away, you know? And so that's been definitely, yeah. Yeah. 

I have been lately saying to a lot of people. there's a process of persuasion that happens in our walk.  You know, Paul said, I am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I've committed.

[00:22:00] Paul didn't just flip a switch and become a full belief, right? He, he was persuaded. And what I have learned now, because even just in the last two years there's been another level of awareness and revelation and freedom, that's getting to the root right?

Because even after all this obedience and Him honoring that, and me growing in faith and becoming less afraid, there's still been this part of me that's just been so driven, whether it be with my health and like body dysmorphia issues or side business or day job, the hustle, right?

The drive, the exhaustion, that was all tied to performance and all tied to what I'll call religion and not life, but law - still things, you know, belief systems I didn't realize were still driving me and still keeping me from a deeper level of intimacy. 

[00:23:00] And as sweet as He is, He does things little by little, not all at once, and peeled away some more layers of that onion. And started to put women in my life who were able to say, I think you're struggling with shame. And so as  soon as they put language to it, just like with the language of perfectionism, the light bulbs went off and I realized that. I've been driven by fear and shame and that religious spirit that's been a task master in my life that has basically said, you're only acceptable if you perform to a certain standard.

But I didn't have the ability to see that it was a task master like Pharaoh, requiring more of me yet having less resources and achieving standards I could never achieve, but always setting, acting as if that's God's expectation of me. And when they started to teach me shame and I started to get free, 

[00:24:00] perfect love started to cast out the fear because fear of punishment, is what was driving me, and that brings torment, the scripture says, and so when God began to reveal grace to me, when He began to reveal his tender, compassionate side, I thought it was a counterfeit because it was too soft. In my opinion, I'm a warrior and I'm good at obedience but little did I know that I was operating in my own strength and therefore another gospel according to scripture, because I was not abiding in what God had already done for me, and my obedience wasn't flowing as a result of my relationship with God, it was coming out of my own strength in order to receive His approval. And that's not the gospel. That's a counterfeit gospel. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:25:00] I, I can really, I went through that where shame and con, it was like Romans eight, one totally changed my life because yes, it was like finally coming into agreement with that, that there is a same combination because I lived in that fear of like, where I could not have a relationship with God.

I felt like I could have it with Jesus, but I was separating them and worthy and how to, like you said that. Yeah. I've always struggled with that performance and wanting approval. And I think you said you're an athlete too. I think that people, you, how do you win? Like you win by performing and yeah. And so, it was like trying to, because I feel like He's made me ambitious and driven and so it's been this kind of like walk of trying to, and I wonder how you feel about this now of like, I, I feel like He calls us to certain things 'cause he knows we have that drive and that ambition.

And so now it's like, how do you keep that drive and that ambition, but you're putting it in a way that, in partnership with Him and working with Him and kind of for Him, I guess in a sense. 

[00:26:00] But like you said, not putting that striving and stress and work like all the fleshly part on Yeah. Yeah. Enemy tries to put on our shoulders that it's like, because you wanna operate in excellence and I feel like we should be doing our best 'cause He is our King and He is, yeah our Lord and Savior and He is called us to this. But then it's like walking that, I feel like sometimes I'm walk in that tight rope. I'm like, well, I don't wanna like accidentally do. So, I still go back into that shame or worry of like, yeah, going to disappoint. You know? And well, am I being lazy 'cause I'm not. You know? Do you ever find that still and it's like, what do you say to that person who's struggling? Like that's where they're struggling in that I think that's keeping us from that next deeper level of intimacy. Yeah. With the Lord. 

Yeah. I think, it’s always going to be a journey and what I'm learning is to walk in whatever level of faith I have today mm-hmm.

And start there. Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:00] And, use whatever tools you have found keep you in the fruit of Jesus. I think that there's more than one way to skin a cat, so I try not to formalize everything for people. And so, for me, I keep journals so that I like I have a God-wink journal whenever I encounter the Lord.

And He, He has ways, you know, He'll speak to me through signage and license plates and, but thank God I've kept a journal of those things because it allows me to go back. And reread and recognize the patterns, right? And so, oh, he's been telling me the same thing. He's been giving me the same encouragement for a year now, what progress have I made in surrendering my unbelief and turning it over to Him and possessing my own soul and wrestling my faith to the ground and saying, today I'm gonna choose to believe you, I believe, help my unbelief.

Right? So that's an example of a process I use. 

[00:28:00] You know, the way we actually get through this is we, stay abiding in His presence. You know, this is not, Hey Lenee’, I've given you revelation, now go run with it. Yeah, run with it while you're holding My hand. Let's do, let's do this together because if you stay in my presence and you allow your life to be lost in order to find it, he who loses his life, for My sake, shall find it. You'll discover who you are. You'll discover who you are meant to be, so long as you keep your eyes on Him and take the time to be in relationship. And in doing that, I am getting better at understanding and hearing His voice and understanding where he is today and where I'm getting ahead, or where I'm not. Things just become clearer in His presence. And I can tell when I'm starting to go astray. 

[00:29:00] Why? Because I've become a good fruit inspector. I'm getting better at inspecting the fruit of my life. Am I in the fruit of the spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, kindness.Am I in that? Or am I in fear and anxiety and, and fretting and worrying and exhausted because I'm so busy trying to produce the outcome that is really only gonna be produced by Him. You know, I, I'm at a maturity level now where I know the pace He wants me to go and I can tell when I'm off because I lose peace and I lose connection.

And so, we gotta be good fruit inspectors and we've gotta be willing to meet Him where He is and set down the part of our flesh that wants to do otherwise. We don't have a nature. We're not just born with a nature that wants to follow the Lord.  We're not. It's contrary. Scripture says.

[00:30:00] Scripture says, in patience, possess ye your soul. What that means for me is I'm in a season where I have to be patient and wait on God's timing and things, right? That's being impatience. And then it says, possess your soul.

Okay. None of us would have to worry about possessing our soul if God did everything fast and in the timeframe that we want. I think it's interesting that that's how it's worded. And so, I've had to learn to, you know, what's in your soul? That's where your appetites are. That's where your mind, your will and your emotions dwell.  That's in that part of you. So, if I have to possess that, it's because those things are gonna wanna run rampant while I'm in the season of having to be patient, wait on God. And so, I gotta take captive my thoughts and make them obedient. I've got to choose self-discipline. I have to choose to do the next thing He's put in front of me.

[00:31:00] I have to choose, to exercise belief, you know, without faith, it's impossible to please God. He doesn't measure faith by the way we feel. He measures faith by the actions we take. that's what he accounts as righteousness. and so, all these years, again, I say obedience saved my life.

He honored the principle of obedience. And now He's blessing me with more revelation to the point that I'm not just gonna be obeying, I'm gonna thrive in the obedience because now the bondage I walked in is gonna be set free. My heart will be set free. I'm now understanding the heart of God, that he's not waiting to beat me over the head until I obey, or you know, it's not punitive, it's not punishing.

He doesn't compromise the standards he holds me to. Obedience is absolutely required, but now my obedience is coming from a place of intimacy and relationship, and I can run to him when I mess up and I can repent. 

[00:32:00] Repentance is no longer so scary for me because I understand there's two natures in me and I understand that He is forgiving and compassionate and He knows what real age I am spiritually, and He knows when it's time to give me that little pat on the butt to say, Sweetheart, you're no longer a baby. I'm gonna now treat you like a, a teenager or an adult. He always is just the perfect Father, and the expectations are always what they need to be.

And they're more merciful than we realize. scripture says, mercy and truth per iniquity. And if it was just all truth, we'd be flattened. Right? If it was all mercy, we'd never be accountable for anything. Yeah. But He's that perfect Father and that perfect blend. And so, I'm excited now and I think my desire is to, through my story, help people realize you can really be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

[00:33:00] But it's not easy and it's a hard process and it's just worth it. Everything I've ever been through, it's, it's so worth it. Yeah. I literally, I feel like it's always, I feel like I have, like, you've just given me, I'm like already in my, like the Holy Spirit chills. 

I'm like tearing up because I just, I feel and sense the Presence with you and I, I feel like was always being with you and talking to you. It's like literally a gift to me. And so, I hope and pray that the women that those of you watching this let us know what is the Lord revealing to you through this conversation.

You can just see and hear the heart and I think the wisdom that comes through Lenee’ and I feel always honored that I get to be one-on-one with you in these little, you know, I just, I still remember a time in the car and we were going to life surge and. Yes. And the giftings and how you prayed over me and Elias before he was even born.  So, I'm super grateful for you and for your friendship and that God reconnected us and brought us, back into a relationship. 

[00:34:00] And I've been able to see and be a part of your journey. And I know so many people are being blessed right now by your podcast and by your book. And so, I want you guys to definitely go get the book.

It was funny when you first came out with an essay, I'm like, I don't think I'm a perfectionist. Like I was comparing myself to some other people I thought were, and then it was kind of like what you said, like where you said you didn't really have words for Yeah. Things that, you know, identify with.

So, it was just interesting how God pointed things out and then was healing me of things through that, me to kind of discern and yeah. So, I appreciate you and I had to have been hard to start all over. Well, and I think too, I think it's been hard to be vulnerable, right? Once I did the book, I thought I was okay and then it, the podcast came and then it was like going live with that again, a whole nother level of vulnerability.

And the attacks have come; the misunderstandings have come already. 

[00:35:00] And I'm so glad that you can discern my heart because I'm in this interesting season of getting set free at a whole ‘nother level and just kind of expressing that and being excited about what God's doing, but also, I don't want this to be about me, but if I don't tell my story, then others can't relate.

And so, it's just this weird, weird place. But I'm kind of like, you know what Satan, 'cause that's, I'm growing like I've always been a warrior, but that's really starting to come through. God's also like, and I've also made you more gracious, like I'm polishing your rough edges. And so, Jesus comes as the Lion and the Lamb, and he's making me this gracious warrior.

And I really have a heart to empower women in particular to know how to put on their armor to know, how to do it, and that it's okay and it's gonna be a fight and you should expect it, but we're gonna get through this and we're gonna lock arms and we're gonna get through this together. And you have a destiny.

[00:36:00] This is what it's all coming down to. I kept saying, Lord, I, if I do nothing else in life, I want to walk my destiny. I don't wanna get to the end and realize I fell short because I was too afraid to take the next step, or I was too afraid to step outta my comfort zone and therefore miss my destiny.

And the Body needs it. We as Christians have got to realize He's building a house not built with human hands and it's built by that which every joint supplies, you're a joint. I'm a joint. The listeners, each one of them are a joint. And when we're walking in our destiny, we are giving our supply to that which God is building.

If we're gonna take back the land that is ours, if we're gonna be a part of the end times with Jesus, then He needs us to rise up and walk in destiny. But you don't have to figure it out on your own. 

[00:37:00] You don't have to hustle your way through it. He will give you every next step if you just relax, rest, trust, and take just the next step.

Just the next step. He just kept telling me, just do the next thing. Just do the next thing. And he is showing himself faithful. if anything, I want the listeners to have permission. You have permission to make mistakes. You have permission to be who you are just for today and start there.

You don't have to have all the answers right now. And he'll meet you right where you are. He is more excited for you than you are for yourself. Truly. Oh, that's so good. Uh, I feel like every little thing could be a clip. You probably need this so you can go just, I put this on the podcast. Love it. Yes.

You've so many just amazing things. Revelation, knowledge, wisdom, insight. I know it's, it's gonna bless so many and I wanna encourage you show up, shine, and share. 

[00:38:00] 'cause I know I struggled with that and I think so many women, especially in the marketplace, and I don't wanna be too much about me and I think that, that, again, that holds us back, that keeps us living small and not actually glorifying God.

Yeah. 'cause he's like, no, you are sharing your story just like you come down here and sharing your testimony, sharing your wisdom. Yeah. That is glorifying God, that is other women, how they can walk with the Lord. Yeah. And just going to what you shared at the beginning of like, God chose you. You've been predestined like it talks about in the Bible.

And so it was, He was calling you and it took, you know, even though like sometimes we take our own route to him, but nothing of the world can satisfy us. it's so easy to get caught up in Those fleshly desires and things of the world or people giving us a pat on the back like way to go.

Yeah. But it's like until we're fully resting in Him and yeah. It'll with him Right. We'll not be satisfied, we will. So, I love that you were able to share that part too, of Yeah. The things, but

[00:39:00] look, it doesn't satisfy. It's not No, yeah. It's not gonna give you anything that you need. And now Yeah. You're showing, but now I know you love your career and you're doing Yeah.

You know, God has, like you said, you're bearing fruit Yes. In the fruits of the spirit, but also, he's showing you the fruit of your obedience and how you can other things, but with me and letting me show Yeah. In my timing and with my grace. So, I just, I love that. I think I would encourage, you know, it says, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

And I have worked hard at delighting in Him. I do love His presence and I do love getting into his presence. And in that process, He is putting into my heart desires that I didn't even know were desires. And now you can hear it. I can't stop talking. I, I could do another hour episode, right? Like, I'm always just wanting to inspire and, and preach and evangelize, and I don't always have it all 

[00:40:00] together and I don't always have the best way of saying it or the most succinct way.  But I do know I love Him and I do know I want you to know what's possible. And if I have to be transparent in my journey so that you can relate and feel safe, that's what I want. You know? And, I think we have to celebrate one another, and I do think we have to celebrate our wins. when I, for example, posted the first week of the podcast and some of the success it got just in the first week, that was coming from a place of this is a girl who has felt like a failure, who's felt not good enough, who's felt shame, who's been fearful of rejection. And I couldn't believe what God had done with my obedience. And I just took a moment to say, wow, look at this result. 

[00:41:00] And I think those who knew me and who could discern, they knew the heart behind that. Right. it's gonna be a journey and I'm always gonna be refined.  It's a brand-new thing. And I think, I think God is okay with taking, when you start something new, he doesn't put rules and regulations so much around it. And I don't think we should be afraid of sometimes celebrating the wins along with the, the struggles. Right. And, um, yeah. So, I don't know. There's a lot I could say there, but just thank you for giving God a platform.

We're out here just trying to be ministers of reconciliation and hope that He takes all that we're saying and he anoints it and it vibrates into the atmosphere and reaches whatever heart, mind, and soul needs to hear it. 

As I prepared the ending to this episode and I listened to all that was recorded, I realized there's so much more to my story. 

[00:42:00] You've gotten bits and pieces of it. There's a lot more to it, And I doubt this is the last time you'll hear parts of my story, but I at least hope that through what I have shared today, you begin to understand that there is hope for redemption from things like fear and shame and perfectionism.

I spent my life living in deep, deep fear and under this belief system that God was gonna punish me every time I messed up. And. If I messed up too many times, then well, I'd be kicked outta the Kingdom one. 1 John 4:18 will always be one of my favorites. It talks about the fact that there's no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has torment, but he, that fears is not made perfect in love, and I can't even tell you how grateful I am that God began to cast out all of my fear by revealing His perfect love. And it is a process, and it's still a process for me, but there's so much hope. 

[00:43:00] And so no matter what your mess is, no matter what your past is, no matter how much you think you're disappointing Him and there's no hope for you, I promise you that those are lies. And next to every authentic voice, there's a counterfeit one that will make you think it's Godly, and so if you're craving healing, if you're craving clarity, or if you just want somebody to walk with you as you break free from perfectionism, here's a couple things I might recommend for you. First, like I mentioned earlier, check out the Grace scale quiz at my website.  It's only a few minutes, and the insights, I promise you will be very revealing to see just how much perfectionism might be impacting your life. 

And secondly, I would love your support if this episode encouraged you at all. I do believe there are people on the other side of this episode who need the hope that they might hear in this story, and so.

Take 30 seconds if you would, and rate the episode and review the podcast.

[00:44:00] And it really helps get the message of grace into the hands and hearts of more who really do need it. And then finally, we do have a Facebook community called the Redeem Perfectionist, and I would invite you to join us there.  It's a place where we have real conversations about perfectionism and healing and walking with the Lord. I'll drop all the links in the show notes. 

So, thanks for listening today. Thanks for letting me be real with you, and thanks for being a part of this particular sisterhood. I want to wish you and yours a very merry Christmas and a wonderful new year.

And until next time, I want you to remember something.

You do not have to be perfect to be loved. You just have to be his. 

see you next time.